A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
