I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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