Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
