so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
