She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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