If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He did a backflip because drugs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
