I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
