i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
