I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
