Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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