Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
