This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
