Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
