I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
