I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
