you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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