Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
