i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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