I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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