you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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