So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
