break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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