If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
