Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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