Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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