i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
