Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
40s are totally the cure
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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