VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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