Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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