when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize