So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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