You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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