so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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