Got a toothbrush?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
