gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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