i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
