belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
