my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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