i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
