Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
