I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
