It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
