Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
