if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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