All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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