I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
