i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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