That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize