at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
