So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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