I accidentally had phone sex last night
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
