Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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