Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
