i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize