I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
