hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
