i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's great music for shaving your balls
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
