no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
