this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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