So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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