i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
whose ass print is on the piano?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
