You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize