I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
