the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
