I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
