yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
