Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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