Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
