Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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