walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
