R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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