Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
