The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize